How to lose friends and uninfluence people
Short sarcastic Twitter post;
Please if you want to be successful on Twitter whatever your goal please follow these steps;
1. Don’t put anything in your bio.
2. Don’t update your avatar.
3. Follow 1000 people before doing steps 1 and 2.
4. Let us see that ALL your updates are ‘Thank you @blahblah for following’ when we visit your profile.
5. Unfollow when people have followed you back.
6. Have 2 or 3 twitter accounts with the same updates just in case you get banned from one for being a spammer.
7. Auto feed as many shared bookmarks or blog posts as you can at once.
8. Send links to Friendfeed where i have to click on another link
9. Ask for Retweets of your new mega blog post but send it sooo long it has to be edited for 10 minutes before it’s Retweeted.
10. Retweet broken links very quickly just to be the first retweeter for Mr/Mrs/Miss @alistblogger so it’s obvious you didn’t even read the article.
11. Make your first contact with a new pal on Twitter a DM with your latest ‘Amazing offer’ and when they try to DM you back your not even following. See turnthisthingoff
12. Ask all your new pal’s ‘Why did you follow me?’
13. Have whole lenthy private conversations with your buddy in Whatsamacallit.
14. Tweet in Two languages but when you send links only in one like Russian so that most people won’t click on your link.
15. Everyone likes to hear what your listening to on blim.fm it’s really interesting for them so please feed all your blip/last songs also.
16. Send affiliate links to a post but as you can’t link directly to that post/product just send the link to the Home page (with affiliate code) so people have to search for what your talking about.
17. Write sarcastic posts like this one so you don’t get any more pal’s…..
Any more? ;)
oh and also it looks great if you spell ‘How’ and ‘Loose’ wrong in your post title…..updated now ;)
And now I know something’s wrong lose, loose WTH ;)
If you enjoyed this post please share and subscribe to our feed via RSS or Email. Thanks!
- December 7th, 2008
- Posted in Social Media
What about Magpie? That has to be one of the worst things EVER.
Great post. I have been on Twitter long enough to experience all of the above, but I can imagine how annoying some of that can be.
@Adam Damn I forgot Magpie as I use Tweetdeck and filter out any #magpie messages now so that I don’t have to unfollow people for using it ;)
Ugly Twitter page backgrounds that only work look right on a 30-inch monitor. Best of all: tile some garish image that makes my brain hurt to look at it.
Michael Martine – Remarkablogger´s last blog post..The Revolution will be Twitterized – Twitter Revolution Book
I agree with most of these. Just make sure to check the profile of those without an avatar to make sure you don’t want to follow them, before “unfollowing”. My personal twitter account I signed up for a while back and had no issues with uploading an avatar image. I just signed up for my ‘work/designs’ account and took me days to figure out, after much searching around on the web, that you can’t use a .gif image for the avatar. Twitter has been having issues with this for a few weeks now. Apparently even a lot of .jpg images aren’t being uploaded as well. So .png are the best bet, but not a lot of word has gotten around about this.
Good post. I agree with most of them, would have to add magpie as mentioned above and also people who i would call “RT spamers”. Its annoying to get the same 10 links from always the same 10 people who RT each others tweets.
My best way to lose friends and uninfluence people is as follows:
Firstly, put a big shout out to everyone you know asking for some urgent help with a big problem you have, but something you know that most people are likely to have an answer for.
Wait a few hours. Obviously the more followers you have the better the results.
When satisfied that as many people have taken the time to help you out, then don’t do anything. Don’t say thanks or nothing.
I find that’s an awesome method and works for me on a number of occasions.
Graham
Graham Smith´s last blog post..Links for 2008-12-04 [del.icio.us]
Awesome post. definitely some great tips to follow if you want to be a douche bag :)
By the way, your header looks awesome. I love the changes going on with the design. Definitely a step in the right direction ;)
Mike Smith´s last blog post..Burger King connects with virgins
I speak to point #9 in this article Retweetimization http://tr.im/RTimize. If I find true value in your tweet it will REALLY dissuade me from RTing it if I have to reword it. IF you do it enough I will stop RTing your stuff. IF you keep doing little things like that eventually i’ll unfollow you. Its a relationship of attrition.
Damien Basile´s last blog post..The Wonderful Ways of Wicked
Excellent comments. I love the style, despite typos.
-Jerry
Nice list! I agree with all the above! :)
And I especially agree on the point about auto-DMs as you already know hehe
Hilarious read, certainly some good advices here. Will make twitter a better place too, I suppose.
Johnny´s last blog post..How to Become a Super Blogger
How about people who only tweet links to their latest blog post without anything inbetween.
Shawn Jooste´s last blog post..Make Your Blog Your Home
Nice list, i think i sense the sarcasm in #15 , and the twitter account with no pic really annoys me!
Max´s last blog post..Photoshop batch processing of actions – Video Tutorial
Funny list. I agree totally about blip.fm. For #11 another fav of mine is “Free Gift” and for #12 send someone an auto DM with a question but then don’t follow back so they can’t reply.
Found this through sphinn.
Bloggeries´s last blog post..Free Wordpress Theme :: Bright-White
Roger Reply:
December 13th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Hey Stuart, agreed for some its a great share but couldn’t they be your friend on blip or last instead of having to follow via twitter where everyone has to have them in their stream?
Good list! :)
Although I get a lot of people replying, saying thanks, and even Re-Tweeting music links I post — so the blip.fm one could be a matter of personal taste.
Design Meme´s last blog post..Shadow: Follow Updates Quietly on Twitter
How about unfollowing everybody who does not follow you? The point of following someone is supposed to be that they have something you want to hear, not because you want them to follow you.
David Leonhardt´s last blog post..Intense Debate Plugin
Roger Reply:
December 13th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Hi David I agree in part I have followed people not bothered about a follow back but when you interact various times help them out and get no thanks or a follow back I thinks that’s just plain ignorant ;)
Twitterfeed outposts with no value add can be a tad annoying (i.e. why follow when you can RSS subscribe). People that ‘masquerade’ and then DM me with links to some dodgy eBooks also don’t last! Apart from that I’m easy going. If people aren’t trying to ‘game’ the system I’m very relaxed and usually follow back…
Steve Nimmons´s last blog post..St George Carol Service
The sad thing is that I see intelligent people from seo and marketing committing the very mistakes you mentioned above every day. There are so many people out there who still haven’t grasped the idea of Twitter.
Malte Landwehr´s last blog post..20% aller Teenager stellen Nacktfotos ins Internet
I love it, Great list. I know most of it is common sense, but there are so many people who just get lost on tweetiquette.