How to lose friends and uninfluence people

by Roger

Short sarcastic Twitter post;

Please if you want to be successful on Twitter whatever your goal please follow these steps;

1. Don’t put anything in your bio.

2. Don’t update your avatar.

3. Follow 1000 people before doing steps 1 and 2.

4. Let us see that ALL your updates are ‘Thank you @blahblah for following’ when we visit your profile.

5. Unfollow when people have followed you back.

6. Have 2 or 3 twitter accounts with the same updates just in case you get banned from one for being a spammer.

7. Auto feed as many shared bookmarks or blog posts as you can at once.

8. Send links to Friendfeed where i have to click on another link

9. Ask for Retweets of your new mega blog post but send it sooo long it has to be edited for 10 minutes before it’s Retweeted.

10. Retweet broken links very quickly just to be the first retweeter for Mr/Mrs/Miss @alistblogger so it’s obvious you didn’t even read the article.

11. Make your first contact with a new pal on Twitter a DM with your latest ‘Amazing offer’ and when they try to DM you back your not even following. See turnthisthingoff

12. Ask all your new pal’s ‘Why did you follow me?’

13. Have whole lenthy private conversations with your buddy in Whatsamacallit.

14. Tweet in Two languages but when you send links only in one like Russian so that most people won’t click on your link.

15. Everyone likes to hear what your listening to on blim.fm it’s really interesting for them so please feed all your blip/last songs also.

16. Send affiliate links to a post but as you can’t link directly to that post/product just send the link to the Home page (with affiliate code) so people have to search for what your talking about.

17. Write sarcastic posts like this one so you don’t get any more pal’s…..

Any more? ;)

oh and also it looks great if you spell ‘How’ and ‘Loose’ wrong in your post title…..updated now ;)

And now I know something’s wrong lose, loose WTH ;)

If you enjoyed this post please share and subscribe to our feed via RSS or Email. Thanks!